by Belinda on August 15, 2012

Happiness is....

Happiness is....

Happiness is....all the glorious shades of peach, apricot and petal pink I'm seeing all around at the moment. On lips, on hips and on nails and tails, they're girl shades that make me smile. -Pink Patent Mary Janes “ At the first kiss I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an exquisite way. All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish. All the secrets that slept deep within me came awake. Everything was transformed and enchanted, everything made sense."
Bella to Edward

Bella to Edward

“You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, If that’s what’s best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing I have to be with you. It’s the only way I can live.” -Bella to Edward
Notes from Mr Kypo

Notes from Mr Kypo

7.45am - I am going back in a time machine 12 years ago and I am waiting to meet the woman who changed my life. - Mr.Kypo I may not make you the richest woman in the world. I will make you the happiest. - Mr.Kypo "I found my way home the very first time your eyes finally met mine." -Anon
Your Passport to Prettiness

Your Passport to Prettiness

"The most important relationship you have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you'll always be with your self." - Diane Von Furstenberg '"With the right words you can change the world." (Charlotte's Web by E.B White)
This Lullaby

This Lullaby

"What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone that much? So much that you couldn’t even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both." -Sarah Dessen (This Lullaby)

{ 0 comments }

A week on our floor

by Belinda on July 27, 2014

Processed with VSCOcam with lv02 preset

For the last week we have had our home painted inside.

It has been hectic surrounded by chaos, however I have been relishing in the fact that all five of us have been camping out in our lounge room together. Mattresses have taken over what was floor space, pillows are all over the floor and I could not be happier. I heart so much falling into slumber surrounded by my loves. Listening to all their rhythmic breaths and holding each other close. Mr.Kypo and share a single mattress and then separate to snuggle into our babes. I never imagined loving anything as hard as I love my family.

Mr.Kypo and I have joked over the past few days that we should rearrange our home so we call can slumber in the same room. Our older two babes, whilst they love our camp out, this arrangement won’t suit them daily. ‘What would our friends think?’, one questioned.

Whilst I like to think opinions don’t matter and I would hope my babes would fell the same way, we are influenced by them. I remember someone gracing us with their opinion about co-sleeping. I didn’t request it, I listened to it, smiled polielty and then pondered in the last few words. ‘Good luck getting them out of your bed, they will still be sleeping with you at 13’.

Our girl is over 13 and I wish I slept with her more. This week I watched them all sleep. I could still see ‘little’ in our boys, that innocence I used to see when I would wrap them as babies. The innocence I wish I could bottle up. Our girl, when I watched her sleep that, ‘little’ wasn’t there. I could see the teenager in her and I could see what she would look like sleeping as a young adult. I was washed over by her beauty.

I regrettably wish that at the start of my motherhood journey I trusted my intuition and wasn’t wavered by peoples opinions. I am blessed that somewhere along my motherhood journey I found my intuition. I will continue to sneak into their beds at night and with our youngest, I will never rush him out to leave our bed.

 

{ 0 comments }

Unraveling layer by layer

by Belinda on July 23, 2014

On my mat

It’s been quiet over here on my blog. To be honest, I have felt like I had lost my voice. What I have come to realise is, like an ocean has high and low tide, I feel as though that is the perfect way to describe the ‘going on’ inside my head. Mirroring the ocean, the high tide represents my thoughts screaming to be expressed, low tide where they just surface and I wonder if they are worth giving a voice.

For months I have been traveling inward. Listening to the messages I receive and acting upon them even when they are confronting and scary. I wasn’t sure if this space was the place to give my thoughts a voice? After all my pondering, I decided this was the perfect space to let my words soar.

I think it all began when Parker was 6 months old. I was wrestling with the ‘old’ body syndrome. I was no longer my old body and I was in a body that didn’t feel at all like me. Flesh was thick, I was uncomfortable and most of all, I was struggling with the enormous love and gratitude I had for my body giving me another gift (our baby), but I couldn’t get past the thick flesh and all I wanted to do was hide. What if someone noticed the weight I had gained,  and thats when I decided that going out was too hard for me emotionally.

It wasn’t until I embarked seeking a Wellness Coach that beautiful Amelia listened and asked me the question, ‘who is Belinda without all the roles and all the labels?’ It was then I no longer felt shameful for my feelings and I cried. I cried for what seemed like hours. I was once sure of who I was and now I was navigating my way to find myself and it was daunting. A beautiful messy picture. I am imperfect and I am perfectly me. Those months ago I had thicker flesh, sadder eyes but knowing I could return home to me was exciting. All the answers I need to know were within and that’s when the high tide wasn’t as loud and calmer waters followed.

For five months yoga and mediation have been my constant. It was really there on my mat emotions purged when I could not do an upward facing dog and opening my chest hurt and coming through my vinyassa with a heaver body was difficult. I felt like I was suffocating and that was when I fell to my mat and cried. Tears of frustration, tears of suppression and tears of loss. My gorgeous yoga teacher in her soft voice helped me to child’s pose as my body felt paralysed and gently rested her hand on my back saying the words, ‘It’s just a story, it’s not real’. She repeated again and again.

After that class the unraveling really began. I really began honouring me. It became less about the weight and more about self-love. I recall another yoga class when my yoga teacher quoted Kurt Cobain ‘wanting to be someone else is a wast of who you are’. I removed myself from people that I felt I couldn’t be wholeheartedly who I was. It suddenly became less about them and more about me, I became angry at how I have allowed loved ones to treat me, I spoke gentle with myself and the words I expressed started to shift.

A few weeks ago I stepped completely out of my comfort zone, hopped on a plane and went to Melbourne. It was there I really opened up. I opened to a knowing of what I truly deserve.

It began in yoga class. Tam and I rolled out our mats looking at the beautiful serene ocean and I knew I was where I needed to me. On my mat I was excited to share this space with Tam and once it wore off and I was challenged in the class I became unsure? I saw my reflection in the mirror and I was disappointed. I was disappointed that I weighed myself on scales that morning… I never do. I was disappointed that whilst I had lost a lot of weight I told myself it wasn’t enough. It was looking back at my reflection that I saw a glimpse of a girl months ago buried in shame and it was when after class the yoga teacher told me she dedicated the class to me, I smiled politely and when I walked out the door I became angry. Angry that I spoke to myself the way I would speak to no other, and it was during that day that ‘old’ eating habits tried to creep in.  I was incredibly grateful that my darling friend saw right through me, asking me questions and when I requested for her to take me to McDonalds she stopped the car in front of an organic store.

We came home with beautiful nourishing food and I asked Tam to message her yoga teacher for me. When Rita replied with ‘She can handle most of the things (life and yoga) but she needs to believe she can’. I stood there in the kitchen and cried. I gulped through words that have been suppressed for years, Tam held my hand and asked me what I needed and I responded with, ‘a bath’.

It was lying in water, my comfortable that I knew that hiding the parts of me doesn’t serve me or anyone. It was lying in water looking down at my naked body I was actually honouring it. I am honouring all my little releases, I am honouring it every time I practise yoga, I honour it every time I fuel it with whole foods and all those months of struggle, moving forward need to be celebrated. Striving for perfection or caring what other people think is completely irrelevant. I am the only opinion that matters and watching my thoughts, realising when they are serving me for my highest good will always alter my chapter of life. And the beautiful part, it can always be rewritten.

{ 3 comments }

I want to remember

by Belinda on May 30, 2014

photo 1

photo 2

I want to remember tonight forever, tears and all.

Parker is unwell. He only wants me. His embrace is stronger, his grip is tighter and his head rests on his familiar – my heart.

I am remembering when Mr. Kypo and I left him for the first time in twenty months a few weeks ago and in the morning when he woke, he crawled along our bed, into my arms and his head rested on my heart. He was still. I wondered whether or not the sound that kept him company when he lived in ‘his house’ (my body) he still recognized?

Tonight even though he is very unwell he looks after me. We both face each other, and as I do to him, he moves my hair to one side. He sticks his dummy in my mouth, cups his hand around my chin and kisses me. I am completely anchored in this moment.

I whisper ‘I love you’. His eyes whisper the same words back. I hand him his dummy and he falls asleep.

 

{ 3 comments }

Being a working Mama is hard

by Belinda on May 20, 2014

Sneaking home, walking up the stairs and capturing this – pure bliss!

Being a working mama is hard. Being a working mama can suck big time.

I never forget how lucky I am to own kindergartens which in turn allows me to still see my babes in my workplace. Mr. Kypo brings Parker to me everyday. He also did this with Lotus and Noah too. It is these visits that turn me to mush instantly, but today was hard, really hard.

Parker wanted me. I wanted him. However I  had a Kindy of children to teach and responsibility.  I could feel my heart racing and I didn’t want my ‘unsure energy’ and anxiety to filter through to Parker, my team and our kindy kids.

I didn’t have my essential oils with me. I usually rub a little of this on my neck and then exhale. I did however remember this little technique I read in Gabrielle Bernstein’s new book called Miracles Now. I instantly took a calming breath in and as my index finger touched my thumb I said, ‘peace’. Leaving my index finger touching my thumb I moved my middle finger to my thumb and said, ‘is’. Leaving that finger there I moved my ring finger and said, ‘within’ and then added my pinky and said, ‘me’. Peace is within me.  Go on try it.

A calmness washed over me and I could carry on. Suddenly the being a working mama is hard and being a working mama can suck stopped playing in my head and gratitude took centre place with the following thoughts. I could exhale.

{ 4 comments }

You’re beautiful

May 17, 2014

You, yes you! You’re beautiful. This week I received a gorgeous bag of yarn from my dear friend. It was this bag of yarn that oozed love that reminded me that yes, I am beautiful. Self-love is a daily practise, a minute-to-minute practise, a second-to-second practise. A practise that I prioritise everyday. Changing all those ‘mean’ thoughts […]

Read more →